I'm 26, I'm not married, and that doesn't bother me.
I was reminded of that this week, as I have one student writing his argument paper on being single versus being married. However, the USA Today article – Sooner vs. later: Is there an ideal age for first marriage? – got me thinking about the world of matrimony even more. There are many queries in life for me, and people who rush into marriage have always been a part of a group I don't understand.
I'm not a feminist, I'm not a man-hater, and I don't think that marriage is an institution that would make me run and jump off the roof of the nearest building. I was close to being married once, and I thought I was ready at the time, but I was a naïve 19-year-old who believed in the promises of first love. Almost every girl on the planet has been in those same shoes – a guy says he wants you forever, you talk about marriage and kids, etc. Then, suddenly, it's over faster than a thought in Paris Hilton's head.
Sure, it hurts, it's embarrassing and you can feel like you weren't good enough or that your time with him was a waste. You will cry, your mom will play you the "You'll Think of Me "song by Keith Urban, you will realize that it's not your fault and you'll move on. Don't marry first guy that comes along after your first serious boyfriend. Don't get married after three to six months. You can love, but marriage isn't something you should rush.
Sometimes it seems that there is too much pressure on people to get married before they are 30 – as if the candles on that cake are ticking time bombs telling you that you'll be alone forever. During the four years I was with my first serious boyfriend, people always asked when we were going to get married, as if that qualified our love. I've also had students tell me I was "kind of old" not to be married or have kids yet. However, I wasn't a girl who was going to get married as a teenager, have kids before I was 20 and never go to college.
My parents put emphasis on college, a career and my own hobbies – marriage wasn't something they wanted me to jump into. My dad always said that the right guy would wait if he really wanted to marry you – he wouldn't pressure you to get hitched right away. He also said that I'd realize, one day, that my old man was right about a lot of things. He was right about marriage.
Now, I'm 26. People around me are married. People around me have kids. That's okay because that is what they wanted – but it doesn't mean you have to want the same things. The USA Today article stated that more people are waiting to get married – and that's okay. The couple featured in the piece waited until they were 28 and 29 – after they became doctors. The point? You can still be a bride, a first-time bride who waits for the right man, at 22, 24, 29 or 30. Maybe you're a girl who's madly in love and wants to get married right away. I'm not saying you're wrong or foolish or too young, but ask yourself if you've done everything you wanted to do before you began a family (example: travel or school). I just hope you're not getting married to keep a guy, but you're getting married to start a life with the one you can't live without.
Boyfriend and I have been together over three years. We've talked about getting married one day (Don't have a heart attack reading this, Dad), but we're not in a rush. Boyfriend said he never wants to be divorced, but marry the right girl the first time, just like his maternal grandfather. We like that we're establishing our careers, we've finished college and we're saving up our money so we can pay for a wedding and a house while continuing to be a debt-free couple. It doesn't mean we don't love each other – it means we love each other enough to wait and start our lives together without regret, doubt, unfinished business or debt. We want a perfect start together, and if that means I have to wait a few more years, that's okay with me.
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