No Raspberry Berets

While I do not dare venture out on Black Friday, amongst the angry mob of shoppers, I did go to Target on Monday. I used to really like Target, even when my college friends called it Targé like a pastry and thought it was posh, überpricey Wal-Mart. Lately, however, I agree. Target, you’re not bringing your “A” game; you’re more like the C+ student who doesn’t cite her sources.

Why do I say this? In this economy, it’s silly to spend $20 on gloves or be forced to wear the wooly, stretchy $1.50 kid’s kind. The $20 ones aren’t leather and I need gloves that don’t get soggy when I scrape my windshield! In addition, I found a whole row of berets in colors I haven’t seen since I was living in Germany 20 years ago. It’s a fashion statement I hope people leave at the store this winter.

First, very few people can pull off the beret. Ones that can? Those in various forms of military across the globe. It’s a sign of distinction and I dare you to tell a Green Beret he doesn’t look good in that hat! Others that generally wear these are 6-year-old girls, Yoko Ono (similar in size to aforementioned girl), and French women who return from 1985 in a DeLorean. Oh, and whomever Prince sang Raspberry Beret about (also from ’85), because Prince and The Revolution are awesome and do what they want (ask Charlie Murphy). Otherwise, I’m sorry. You do not look good in a beret – especially not one that’s gold, plum or any other 80s color.

Maybe I’m wrong, but to me a hat should do two things. One – keep my head warm! Especially my big ears. And if I remember correctly, a beret does not cover your ears in the winter. Two – the hat should look good on you (type of hat depends on your face shape) and serve a fashion purpose. All I can think of when I see one are old cartoons where a effeminate French painter has a skinny, silent movie-ish moustache, a Where’e Waldo shirt and pants that match neither one.

However, what you should wear this winter are matching glove and scarf sets (http://www.sears.com), crazy patterned shawls (look for ideas at http://www.neimanmarcus.com/, but make your own), bomber hats (http://www.sierratradingpost.com), faux fur vests and hats (http://www.nyandcompany.com/), military style jackets (Old Navy or http://www.overstock.com/), ballerina flats (http://www.dessy.com/), long jane pajamas(http://www.victoriassecret.com/) tights and high boots(Old Navy or http://www.overstock.com/) .

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